Sunday, January 3, 2010

Week One

Last night, the four of us went out to dinner at a nearby Ecuadorian place (La Humita on Pulaski, for those who are interested -- and it was really good -- if you're in the neighborhood, you should give it a shot -- the only bum note was my hominy, but it could have been good, for all I know about hominy, it's that it tastes like plain white rice and looks like giant exploded bugs, but anyway, go and get the fritadas) and I tried to pry some suggestions for my list out of AJ and Peter. The problem was, they're not stupid. I could see all the ideas bubbling up to Peter's lips but he was very cagey, knowing that I will pounce on anything he says. To wit: I mentioned the plan to him a couple of days ago, and he said, "So I could say anything? Like, eat less?" According to Peter, that was just off the top of his head. According to me, there is no such thing as "off the top of your head" in that situation, except maybe my fist bouncing off the top of his head. (In Peter's defense, "eat less" has been his mantra for the past few weeks. In my offense, what the hell, dude?)

Aaanyway. The one list item Peter offered up was to not buy anything online for a week. And I said that that wasn't challenge enough. I've gone a week without buying anything online before. There were like twenty years I was alive before e-commerce was a real option, and before we met, there were a few times when I had maxed out my credit cards anyway. (That was before Paypal.) I've gotten better about that sort of thing, but mainly because Peter takes care of things that, left to my own devices, I forget about and/or avoid. Like bills. But, as Reggie Warrington said, "Can't STOP a woman from shopping." At least, this one. Even at thrift stores I overdo it. I must have cleared out thirty bucks' worth of thrift store stuff from my closet last night (it was New Year's Rockin' Closet Purge) -- which, in real store dollars, is like thirty-five dollars' worth -- not to mention at least three non-thrift-store items that still had the tags on them. Why did I think I was going to wear a glen plaid vest shot through with gold thread? And when did I think I was going to wear it? 1992?

I'm getting off track, because this is not going to be the week of buying nothing, since AJ's birthday is Tuesday and Hannah's birthday party is coming up, so I have to plan, and shop. No, this week is going to be AJ's pick, in recognition of his upcoming 16th birthday. Last night during dinner, after rolling his eyes at the umpteenth stupid joke I (or his father, let's be honest) made, AJ suggested no lame jokes for a week. According to AJ, I have a standard book of stupid jokes and references that I make all the time. One in particular: he says that when I am jokingly demanding that he hand something over, I invariably say, "Fork it over fork it over" like a robot in the show Futurama. Now, until he told me this a couple of weeks ago, I honestly had no clue I did that. I'm a little surprised that I have that many opportunities to use it, actually. Hell, I don't even remember what episode it's from, but I do know that every single time I have said it, I thought to myself, "Heh...funny." So clearly, AJ's on to something. There is some hack comedian lizard part of my brain that won't edit what comes out of my mouth, and maybe I need to pick my moments a little better, rather than barfing out every loosely connected thought that floats through my head. Oh man, living with me must be like a never-ending episode of Family Guy -- I feel so sorry for my family now. So Week One's challenge is: No Lame Jokes.

Since AJ obviously can't be with me every moment of the day, I am going to have to pay attention today to what he considers bad jokes and try to apply those parameters throughout the remainder of the week. On to the maiden voyage! This is going to suck!

I have to fix something for the little bit to eat, so I will be back in a bit to do some housekeeping with regard to rules, and to post the first fifteen or so list items.

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