The CRAVING

Look, I'll be honest: I was not expecting this change to stick. But I was really hoping that by day 6, the craving would be gone, or at least abated. Yeah...it's not. It is ever-present. There is, as the guy from Naked Eyes once said, always something there to remind me. There is one can of Coke in my fridge at home, and I see it every time I open the fridge -- and without drinking Coke, there is a little more fridge-opening happening these days. There are at least three billboards advertising Coke on my way to work.

And yesterday at Potbelly's, there was this business in the refrigerated case. I know it's on a can of Diet Coke, but still -- I felt like Coke was sending me a message. Letting me know that it still thinks of me and loves me, and when I'm ready to come back, it'll be waiting for me. Maybe it's too soon to call it, but it might be time to face it: I will never be free. Coke will always be a part of me. I am making up for its loss by appropriating crappy songs, which might be worse than the disease.

Maybe it is the lack of caffeine, maybe it's the last gasp of winter, I don't know, but I have to admit to getting a little discouraged about this project right now. Nothing I'm doing seems to be doing much for me in the end.  Last night I was presented with a batch of photos from my brother-in-law's birthday party during a trip to Texas a few weekends ago and LORD. I look massively bloated, especially in the face, my hair is stringy and gross despite my efforts to get it to look decent, and I just...ugh. I hate photos, because as my dad liked to point out, they don't lie. I just got a report that my blood pressure isn't exactly stellar (120/78) --so what's all the fucking exercise and vegetable eating doing for me? I'm still heavier than I'd like and it's not even netting me any health gains as far as I can tell. And then the house stuff -- well, some of it's stuck but when it's often just me fighting the tide of paper and clutter, it's easy to get behind. With gardening season fast approaching, I just don't know that I have the time or energy to do all the things I need to do, much less any of the things I want to do. I know, I know: there's a club for that, it's called everybody, and they meet at the bar. Well, I guess I will see everybody at the bar, then. This weekend, at least. But, I'm still on the horse.

Where's Extreme when you need them?

A very thoughtful co-worker left a can of Canfield's raspberry sparkling seltzer water on my desk this morning. No calories, sodium, caffeine, artificial sweeteners -- perfect for a bubbly morning drink. The sparkle is certainly there, and the flavor is crisp and nice. So, I like it, and it's smoothing out the morning Coke jones pleasantly. But...I wouldn't say it's better, Manny. Better FOR me, definitely. But better than Coke? Tough sell.

It's funny. Coke has left holes in my teeth and possibly my stomach lining, but it seems nothing can fill the hole being Cokeless has left...in my heart.

I even gross myself out

Meet The Big Cup. It's large -- maybe 24 ounces -- and has orange pears printed on it and every morning around 9:30 I fill it with ice and Coke, and it makes me happy.

See that 1/2" of brown liquid at the bottom? It's the dregs of last Friday's Coke. I haven't thrown it out yet because I find it comforting that if I get horribly desperate this week I can always sip that foul ounce or two and totally put myself off Coke for a while. It's the same idea as thinking of a horrific ashtray full of butts and yuck for smokers. By the end of the week it'll be reduced to sludge at the bottom of my cup. Maybe that'll hold me over 'til Sunday. Only 85 hours to go.

The fountain

In three days' time, I've gotten over the caffeine withdrawal -- no more headaches or fogginess -- but I still want a Coke every morning. I actually think about it in the car on the way to work, like, oh, yum, Coke! And then when I remember I can't have one I drive off the overpass and plunge to sweet, sweet death. It's happened twice now.

Since I can't drink one, I will run down the best places to get a fountain Coke. In this time of political upheaval and dissent, the one thing we can all agree on is that the soda fountain is the purest, most delicious form of Coke dispensal available in this great land of ours. If it were in a Texas schoolbook, surely there would be a chapter on soda fountain exceptionalism. Come to think of it, the only way I can think of improving upon a soda fountain Coke is to use real sugar in the mix instead of corn syrup. Lord amighty, I would snap a neck to have a Mexican Coke right now. I'm getting off track here. The point is, all soda fountain Cokes are superior to canned and most bottled Cokes, with the exception of kosher/Mexican/Ghanian Cokes occasionally available in the corner markets. And some soda fountain outlets are better than others. My personal top five:

5. Burger King: generally a good mix although from one outlet to another there's less consistency than I would like. When it's off, it tends to err on the side of too syrupy, so you have to up the ice content to compensate. Not the worst thing in the world, and overall pretty dependable.

4. Subway: I'm not sure why exactly, but the Subway Cokes I get tend to go flat faster than from other places. Otherwise on a flavor basis they're a strong candidate, which is more than I can say for their food.

3. Jimmy John's: I'm basing this on a very small sample size, but the three or so JJ's that I've frequented in my time have surprisingly good mixes. The only knock I can give them is that the refrigeration seems to be slightly lower than optimal, leading to melted ice and a watery Coke if you don't drink it fast.

2. 7-Eleven: as a person who has downed her share of Big Gulps, I can say that 99% of the time the mix is flawless. Of the hundreds of Cokes I've gotten at 7-Eleven maybe three have tasted off -- and not so far off that I didn't drink them. It is rare indeed that I stop at a 7-Eleven and don't get a Coke.

1. McDonald's: the gold standard of fountain Cokes. The mix is always perfect -- the perfect temperature, the perfect syrup balance, perfect carbonation. I have never been let down by McDonald's Cokes, not once. It makes sense that in a place where you know exactly what you're getting every time, you can count on their Cokes being crisp, fizzy, and refreshing every time too. You know how everyone likes BK burgers and McDonald's fries? If I were to live that particular dream I would also have to pull a Coke from the side of the arches.

I might be a little punchy

Coke, I'm Gonna Miss You

(and don't pretend your ass doesn't know the melody. Yes it's Milli Vanilli. Don't judge me. I'M IN NO MOOD)

If I knew from the start
You would break my heart
I'd've drunk Diet Coke and we'd never have to part
You wrapped me 'round your pretty plastic bottle
And your sweet brown taste
It made me think my love for you was not misplaced
You put a spell on me
You took my thirst away
But when every can I drink makes my ass a joke
You just can't stay
I'm gonna miss Coke

All the love I feel for you
Nothing could've made me change
To Mountain Dew
Oh Coke...I'm gonna miss ya baby

Given all the love I feel for you
Couldn't make me change
To Mountain Dew
But I'm leaving
Now I'm sitting here drinking water
It's still better than Mountain Dewwwwwwwww

It's a tragedy for me to see
The dream is over
And I never will forget the day we met
Coke I'm gonna miss you

Never caffeine free
You made me so perky
But now I can't erase this potbelly
Multi-meal appeal
You are so unreal
You even go with a bowl of hot oatmeal
When you had a taste of paradise
It's even better with
a Coke on ice
I'm gonna miss you
I miss you

AAAACK

It seems to me today that I'm losing a lot of hair. It could be that my hair is longer than it's been in a while and I'm consequently noticing it more, or it could be that the secret formula of Coca-Cola was all that was keeping it in. Coke kept me from going bald, and now I'm turning my back on it. I'm a monster.

I'm drinking an Arizona Green Tea with ginseng and honey. It's not doing the trick, but it's something, I guess. AJ recommended what he and his friends call the Arnie, which is the Arizona half-tea half-lemonade endorsed by Arnold Palmer. I took a sip once and found it pretty blah, but it's all the rage at Lane. And that's your beverage endorsement for the day.

Grr

Went to the gym a little while ago. I marveled for a time at how much better it made me feel, and then remembered that my customary post-gym Coke cannot be. Grumpy again.