Thursday, June 24, 2010

The last week and the doctor

I'm going to attempt to tally up where I am from last week.

First and happiest: the yoga. I have actually done it every day but one since last week, and I am pleased to report that it has helped immensely with my right hip. I saw the doctor today about the hip (and my wrenched right shoulder, but that's another story) and the diagnosis is a strained butt muscle. That's what I get for using my butt to pick things up off the floor, I guess. On the upside we've never had to buy a nutcracker.

Second, and obviously, given my last statement: I am pleased to report that I am fairly certain that I made it through seven days without being sarcastic. Well, at least overtly. But much like the hoary-joke week and the no-swearing week, I find that when I'm not being sarcastic I don't have much to say or much to write about. I don't know; to me this felt like I was borrowing trouble -- more on that later.

Third: the biking thing. I am at 4 days on that, because I fell down the stairs and it's been rainy. No really, one follows the other. I fell down the stairs on Sunday and wrenched my left deltoid hanging on for dear life. I didn't know for certain until today that it was merely a muscle pull, and I didn't want to fuck it up worse, so I layed off the bike -- I am not one of those fancy no-hands bicyclists, like the dude I see once in a while around here to rides his bike, talks on his cell phone and smokes a cigarette. If I weren't already married...anyway. Now that I know my left arm isn't going to fall off, I can get back on the bike with reckless abandon. And a helmet. Which, I suppose, I should also be wearing when I walk down the stairs.

So back to the honesty thing. I have to admit that it turns out, I have been lying to...pretty much everyone about something that's pretty important about myself. In fairness, I didn't really know I was lying, and it's possible that I was right before and I was just not quite living up to my fullest potential today.

You may have guessed it by now, so I will just come out and say it. I'm not 5'6". I'm 5'5-1/2".

You can unfriend me now. I understand.


  1. This is a travesty. How can I ever trust you again?

  2. How do they even diagnose a strained butt muscle? What are you suppose to do to help it? Seems so funny.

  3. Steph -- I know! Next thing you know, you'll find out I'm actually from Elmhurst and a Sox fan. Ugh, that felt gross to type out.

    K -- basically the doctor felt my butt up and moved my leg around. He said hot compresses and stretches might help, and if not, we'll move up to a cortisone shot. Just call me Kobe.

  4. I'm sure there could be worse things for your doctor to do besides feel your butt up. Poor doctor, I'm sure he's all broken up about it.

  5. I'm pretty sure he went directly into therapy following my appointment.